Independence

Hello again!

Wow. It has been too long. As predicted in my first blog, I slack off and back away from things I set out to do. My priorities always seem to be the first to disappear. Why can't I do something for me?

I seem to loss focus when it comes to what makes me happy. Being a mother makes me happy and being a wife. But what makes me happy if I strip away motherhood and being a wife? I love to write.

It's a simple process that brings so much enjoyment within my life. But ... it rarely happens. I can't find the time and if I do its either short lived or I feel guilty. Instead of writing, I should be spending more time with Curtis or clean the bathrooms or better yet, sleeping! And, am I a bad person - mother/wife - for wanting some alone time, long enough to focus on something I want to do?

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about being a homemaker. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but can't I be both? I'm not saying I have a bad life. It's just ... how do I maintain, me? I'm grateful for the wonderful husband I have. He is always willing to help with the laundry, give Curtis a bath, and even works two jobs. So, how do I have to right to ask for some alone time? Where is his too?

For the sanity of myself and my family, I believe it is healthy to maintain a certain type of independence. But its only a matter of time before I stop and forget my needs. For Curtis will need a clean diaper, something to drink, or a shoulder to lay on. The bills will have to get paid. The house will need to be cleaned. My husband will need help with school. Is my independence their stability?

Until next time.